A Year Later

June 6, 2010

I went back on track this week and it is like we never went off track. It was nice to be back with the students. They are well behaved and want to learn. They just need to be reminded of that every now and then.

Wednesday was Marie’s graduation. It was very nice. Principal Hicks did a wonderful job in organizing the very well orchestrated ceremony. I thought it was nice. Marie texted me during the ceremony, wondering if mom would be ok if she gave a big thumbs up when she crossed the stage. I told her that would be cool. She did and the lady told her to put her hands down. Oh well, it was fun for Marie. She looked so good in her white gown. Thursday she went with her group of friends up to a cabin at Bear Lake. One of the parents teaches with me at Elk Meadows. She asked me if I would bring my boat up. I told her I would, but they called me Friday night and said it was too cold so I ended up not going. She will be home on Monday. Then in a couple of weeks she will be heading to BYU.

Savanna went back to school this week to get ready for her kids on Monday. She is looking forward to going back. Next year she will be teaching 3rd grade at Bennion Elementary. She is excited to have a traditional schedule. We went to dinner this week while Marie was gone. It is nice to be with her she is so pleasant, however when I asked her about feelings she didn’t want to talk about it so we went for ice cream and just enjoyed the nice weather.

We were also happy to have Grandma and Grandpa Heywood join us for Marie’s graduation. Jill Hansen also came up and brought Rachel and baby Kate with her. My parents also came to the graduation ceremony. The Heywoods left immediately after to ceremony to get back to St. George. Dad had a meeting, so Mom and me and the girls and Savanna’s friend from Jacob Lake, Cameron joined us for dinner at Sweet Tomatoes.

Yesterday I spent the entire day working in the flower beds around the house. I have left them for too long and there were a number of weeds. It was nice weather to be working in the yard not too hot but sun shining and good shade from the trees. We have a couple of woodpeckers pecking a nest into the front tree. It is interesting to watch. They take turns and they have made incredible progress. It reminded me of how Jolene and I used to work together to be parents of our kids and take care of things around the house.

It has been almost a year. I think about it all the time. I often think about her last Saturday on this Earth. Today I think about her last Sunday. It was on Sunday where she uttered her last out loud words. Evans and I were in the bedroom talking to her. She was struggling to talk. It took a lot of energy. She was having a hard time. Finally she said she loved me and “now please go away so I can sleep”. She was awake and asleep for the next few days but she didn’t say anything else. Her muscles were shutting down from the inside and she didn’t have the strength. The last day of her life was Wednesday. She slept most of the day. Around 2 in the afternoon she woke up and looked at me. She didn’t say anything but she looked into my eyes and I could tell she was saying goodbye. There is a form of communication between husbands and wives that is real, and often times you can tell what the other is thinking without saying anything out loud. In her gaze she was saying I love you and goodbye. Then she went back to panting and breathing until she took her last breath.

Her breathing all day had been very labored like she was running a marathon. I was talking to her while she slept. The nurses say that hearing is the last sense to go so I was talking to her a lot. One of the things I told her was that her race was finished and she could stop running. I was in the room when she took her last breath. Her labored breathing suddenly became calmer. She slowed down like she was finally catching her breath. And the last couple of minutes she acted like she was slowing down. Her last breath was not labored or desperate. It was relaxing like she could finally rest. It was peaceful to me. I continued to watch her for another minute or so to see if she was just pausing in her breathing. I wanted to hold her hand, but the nurses said that sometimes will interrupt the death process. So I just stood over her and whispered I love you my babes.

The thought never occurred to me to jump on her and administer CPR to try to bring her back. Later on I have felt a little bit of guilt over that like maybe I should have, but as I have thought about it over the last year, I know Jolene would have been mad at me if I brought her back only so she would have to die again. Lastly I went quietly into the other room to tell everybody else. I should have told my girls first, but I just blurted it out to everyone. We spent some time with her body and had a family prayer while we waited for the hospice nurse and the mortuary to come and pick her up. I only made a couple of phone calls. I let everyone else do that.

At that moment in time I thought the worst was over, and it was for Jolene, but I have since discovered how hard it is to continue on after her passing. This past year has been the worst year of my life. The pain of losing her never goes away and it never diminishes. I let my hair grow out this past year as a symbol of my inner grief and anger. It reminds me that I am progressing everyday even though I can’t feel it or notice it. My hair is quite long now and drives me crazy and it looks horrible. I can’t wait to cut it. People ask me how this year has gone and I tell them that it feels like I have come far, but it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I am just as lonely and sad today as yesterday. I miss her terribly!
Ron

6-21-09

It has been a week since the funeral. We are going to post a reflection of the funeral services as well as copies of some of the talks, for the many people who have asked about them. But then we will discontinue this blog in honor of our sweet mother and wife.

This is Ron
I felt that Jolene’s funeral was exactly the way Jolene had envisioned it so many weeks ago when she planned it. She wanted it to be simple, not too long, and full of good memories. There were fun moments that made us laugh. There were quiet moments that made us reflect. There were grateful moments that made us cry and appreciate Jolene’s life and her influence in our lives.

I appreciated all of the incredible support and love shown to us through attendance at the viewing or funeral, through cards, letters, flowers and monetary donations that we will use to pay for Jolene’s headstone. I wish I could send everyone thank you cards, but many were given to us without addresses, and in some cases anonymously. I do appreciate all gestures of sympathy.

I would especially like to thank those who participated in the funeral: Tony Heywood, Jolene’s favorite brother, (she loves them all), for the family prayer before the service. Joe Wilcock for the lovely song, The Bishop of our ward, Tom Warne for conducting and expressing such hope in his message. Jolene’s two brothers Larry and Dave Heywood for portraying Jolene’s life so eloquently, and for “staying on time” with their comments. All of Jolene’s nieces and nephews, for bringing tears to my eyes with their song. My brother Greg Davidson for his words about “loving first.” The Hansen Family song. We love the Hansens. The opening and closing prayers Jolene’s brother Tim Heywood and my brother Randal Davidson. My Sister Trisa Teerlink for being the chorister and Naoma Eastley for playing the organ. I can’t say enough about our ward members who helped with luncheon and dinners throughout this trial.

I know how hard it is to participate at such a somber occasion and keep your emotions in check. I feel they did a wonderful job. While she was planning the funeral Jolene asked me if I wanted to speak. I told her I would if she absolutely wanted me to, but I would prefer to sit on the front row with my girls and cry my eyes out. That is just what I did. I appreciated my best friend Lance Capener and his wife Nancy sitting right next to us during the funeral. Lance was my best man at our wedding 26 years ago, and it was important to me that he be next to me again as we laid my precious wife to rest.

The flower arrangement on her casket was a gift from her good friends at Skyline High. It was perfect. Ruth Dallas was so kind to make those arrangements for us. The good people at Mountain View Memorial were so kind to give us all the time we needed to say goodbye. I don’t want to miss thanking anyone, but I’m afraid with all of my attentions focused on Jolene, I’m sure there were many acts of kindness I didn’t even notice. I’m sure those of you who helped in anyway wanted it that way.

I would like to thank Jolene’s parents Evans and Sylvia Heywood for being with us during Jolene’s last days and staying with us through this past week. They have been away from their home for almost twenty days with out complaint. I know it wasn’t easy for them. They have taken care of us in ways that can’t be measured. I will never forget the way Jolene’s eyes brightened up when they arrived.

I would also like to mention my own mother who came almost every day since March to rub healing oils on Jolene’s feet and head. We don’t know that it helped medically, but Jolene loved mom’s soft loving hands and appreciated her incredible devotion. Mom never gave up hope, and we were both uplifted by her visits.

Obituary

Jolene Heywood Davidson
(March 25, 1960 - June 10, 2009)



Jolene Heywood Davidson
Jolene Heywood Davidson, 49, passed away peacefully in her home on June 10, 2009 after a battle with cancer. Jolene was born March 25, 1960 in Phoenix, Arizona to Evans and Sylvia Heywood. She was a school teacher. She taught at Jackling Elementary, John C. Fremont Elementary and Fox Hills Elementary. Later she became a Library/Media Specialist at Evergreen Jr. High and Skyline High School. She had many callings in her LDS Ward. She was the Young Women president, ward missionary and Relief Society teacher. Her favorite calling was as a visiting teacher to other sisters in the ward. Jolene was very athletic, she ran in two half-marathons and a mini triathlon in her last year. In high school she played volleyball & softball. Jolene is survived by her husband, Ron and two daughters, Savanna and Marie. She was preceded in death by her older brother Clarence and her grandparents. Services will be held Monday, June 15 at 11 AM at the LDS church on 2450 West 10400 South in South Jordan, Utah. A viewing will be held Sunday night from 5-7 PM and one hour prior to the funeral at the same church. Jolene wanted to thank everyone for their support and generosity: family, neighbors, friends at Skyline, fellow librarians. More information may be found on her blog: davidson4fun.blogspot.com

Memorial Info

Here are the details of the mortuary we are using.

Mountain View Memorial

www.memorialutah.com

3115 East 7800 South
Cottonwood Heights, UT


Also we are looking for any pictures of Jolene with her siblings. If you have them please email to sueellen34@yahoo.com

THANKS!

Funeral Arrangments

A viewing will be held on Sunday, June 14 from 5:00 PM – 7:00 PM at the LDS church meeting house located at 2450 West 10400 South in South Jordan.

The funeral will be held on Monday June 15 at 11:00 AM at the same location.

The Race Is Finished

June 10, 2009 7:45 pm
Mom passed away today. She went peacefully in her sleep. We will post more details later.

June 7, 2009

This week we had an afternoon that we thought we were going to lose Jolene. She was very weak and her breathing became very erratic. That was not that unusual. What was unusual was that she told us it was her time to go and that she was going to die. Our hospice nurse, (Sandra) said it is common for patients to know when they are going to die. We took this very seriously. We had some Relief Society ladies from the neighborhood here. I called Marie home from school and Savanna from work so they could be here when she died. But she didn’t die. It turns out that when she woke up and saw everyone gathered around her bed, Jolene thought we were gathered around because we knew something she didn’t know. She assumed we were here because we knew she was going to die. So Jolene was convinced it was her time. We had a good laugh about it later, but during that time we got to experience some very tender moments with Jolene.

She is not always coherent. She has said a lot of interesting and sometimes funny things, but during that special time she was very clear that she is at peace. She is comfortable, and she is ready to go. She is not afraid to die. We expressed love for each other. We had a special family prayer with her. The spirit was very strong in the room and we felt the arms of the Lord Jesus Christ around us, as well as the love of the Relief Society ladies. We are grateful they were able to be with us.We don’t know how much time Jolene has left in this life, but we believe her time is short.

Jolene’s parents are here with us now to help take care of Jolene. We are happy to have them here. No one can take care of you like your Mom. We are ever grateful for the continued support from our ward, and generosity of the kind friends from Skyline. All the cards and letters that we receive we read to Jolene, she expresses appreciation for the loving words from her friends. Thank you for the all prayers that are in our behalf. We appreciate and can feel them constantly. Thank you also for the service that is given to our family, it helps out a lot and we are very grateful for it.